Mothering is hard work.


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It’s almost mother’s day and I sometimes can’t believe that I’m a mom. And I forget what it felt like before I become a mother. For the longest time I didn’t know if I wanted to be a mother. Or maybe I did and just never thought I could, or could do it well. Almost 3 years, and two kids, into this role I still struggle with how well I’m doing it.

Mothering is hard for me. I think there are natural moms. Or at least those that make it look for effortless. It’s not effortless for me. There’s a lot of struggle with my selfish self  in motherhood, in anxious thoughts about how to do it ‘right’, in worry that they’re ok and going to grow up to be decent and nice people. There’s effort in making sure everyone is healthy and dressed, and not watching too much TV, and that dinner is made and the house is picked up. It takes a lot of effort for me that there’s little effort left over in this season for friendships and sadly my husband or even myself.

Mothering is also very physical work. I end most days right now exhausted from carrying babies and carrying heavy toddler emotions that there’s little left for the ‘non tiny-human’ relationships in my life. I lift and carry and squat heavy babies. I carry lots of bags and car seats up stairs. I do more things at one time than I should.

But maybe that’s how everyone feels. Maybe well feel just a little overwhelmed and not cut out for the jobs we have been given or the season of life we’re in. Maybe that’s where we grow and learn and become better people.

Mothering is hard and I love it.  For me, it’s an all consuming relationship that I find hard to tear myself away from. I know this might not be the healthiest for me or the other relationships in my life, but it’s all I know how to do right now.

So excuse me to the other people in my life who are not tiny humans. I imagine I will have the capacity to get back to you soon. To have a conversation that doesn’t involve sleep schedules, toddler tantrums or whatever challenge comes next in this journey. To spend time with those other relationships that matter to me. To cultivate new ones. To spend an evening with my husband not consumed with toddler and baby schedules. At least I hope I will get there.

Mothering is hard work but it’s work I’m grateful I have been blessed with. I don’t know if I’m doing it well but I just know I’m doing the best that I can.

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